Update from the Capitol of Florida, Tallahassee – The State Legislature has passed a bill, over the weekend, that will require the State of Florida to be carved into the form of Tim Tebow, in his infamous Tebowing pose, replacing the current gun shape the state now has. The Governor, Rick Scott, (who is from the future) has assured the people he will sign the “Gun to Tebowing Re-Shaping of Florida Bill”, into law. The Legislature found the power to enact the legislation, in an archaic portion of the State Constitution, left over from the time of Spain’s Colonial governance of Florida. With that part of the Constitution being written in Latin, the language of old Catholicism, the religion of Spain, no one understood what it said, and it was left in the pre-amble of the State Constitution, for sentimental reasons. Recently, when the Pope visited Cuba, Florida sent a delegation to ask him what these archaic Latin words meant, and he told them it means they can do whatever the hell they want to do. Funding for the massive project, which will gobble up entire cities, is to come from replacing whole milk in kids lunches with homogenized cat milk, and the elimination of grades 6-12. The Governor was quoted saying “Our kids, and the toothless inbred hicks, in the northern parts of the state, are either too damned drunk on moonshine, religion, or both, to learn anything beyond the 5th Grade, so why bother trying anymore?”. Sources in the Governors office said it will be easier to rule over the people if they do not get all uppity with Secondary, and High School educations, and this will save bundles of money because it is cheaper to rule the ignorant, than it is to rule the educated. It is also being reported that anyone caught not Tebowing 5 times a day will be taken out and shot; furthermore, everyone receiving State welfare assistance will be exported to New York where they will get proper food, dental care, and be allowed to live in the Jets/Giants Stadium.
Giant’s personnel are reportedly pissed off to high heaven, and are demanding their own stadium, and threatening to move to California, if this is allowed to happen. When the Jet’s organisation was informed of this, they merely Tebowed until everyone tired of watching them. The entire New York Press Corps set off to Florida, to watch Oceanfront communities be dynamited, to make way for the bold new Tebowing state of the South!
The New York Press also intends to folllow the charter trains, and buses full of Floridians, on the dole, back to New York, lest they get captured by a group of inbred toothless northern Floridians, as so many other Yankess have in the past. They is now us, and we is now them.